The 5 key differences between the nursery and primary school birthday party

We are five years in to the kids birthday party planning, I thought I had it in the bag this year. Little did I know the primary school party was going to be the end of me.

In addition to the party favor disappointment eye rolls, the distant giggling of using the word ‘shit’ (wasn’t me this time), and the near lawsuit of a child dying from pile on inflatable suffocation, here are the 5 key differences between the nursery and primary school birthday party.   (f’ing hell I need a bottle of wine!)


Nursery: You’re lucky if you can meet the minimum number of 10 for the soft play center and begin to panic invite searching for that long lost cousin who had a baby last year – or was it 10 years ago?

School: Invite everyone! Invite them all!!! Well you don’t want to be the mum who makes the left out kids feel singled out or unwanted. It all seems doable until 50 kids and their siblings turn up and you’ve only catered for 30 of them. Anyone for half a chicken nugget?

Speaking of nuggets…


Nursery: You’ve cooked all of the Anabel Karmel recipes; from her 99% pork and apple sausage rolls to the banana muffins. No processed food, or E-numbers are going to pass the lips of any of those little cherubs.

School: Anything beige, and the more neon the yellow the better. And hold off on the ham sandwiches, the only use the ham will have is as a decorative floor piece. Plain bread will more than suffice.


Nursery: Everyone is so excited taking a million pictures of their little ones #makingfriends whilst really the kid’s only interaction is to fight over the crusty yellow coloured ball with bite marks in the ball pond.

School: You may be lucky to see a glimpse of the back of some parents head as they kick their child out the car door and speed off home for two hours of peace – *cough* – sorry I mean to undertake very important business.


Nursery: The biggest cost is the clean up operation after 5 tiny toddlers have rampaged your living room. With the addition of the plumbers bill for rescuing two barbies dolls, 8 Shopkins and daddies watch, which Baby Bill thought the toilet needed considering it was ‘ungry!’.

School: My f’ing wedding was cheaper.


Nursery: If you didn’t get a photo on facebook of your child with a least one of it’s ‘friends’ (Sworn ball pond enemy) – or with its face smashed in cake –  did the party even happen?

School: You don’t even know where your child is and your hands are busy holding a cup of tea and every item of clothing your child had on as you left the house. I’d be surprised if they weren’t completely naked at some point.

The smile on that face


Says it all really!

2 thoughts on “The 5 key differences between the nursery and primary school birthday party

  1. Gail Haslett says:

    Nothings changed since both my kids had P1 parties! It changes…to hell with the lot of them which includes me lol! Invite who you want and only those who are interested in you and your child…if not forget them! Love you loads xx


  2. beccyjc says:

    So bloody true! Birthday parties upset me more than running out of sweets! Theo’s have me in meltdown every year! He didn’t have one this year because so many horrible parents didn’t turn up
    To his last few! Major peeeeev when they say yes you pay and they don’t turn up!!!! Xx


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