As you grow up each stage of life brings with it a shit ton of advice, some good, some bad (lets be honest its mostly bad). Nothing is different as you get to parent hood, in fact the shit storm of advice get’s heavier.
But the key word here is ‘advice’.
There is a key difference between helpful advice and it’s moron cousin’s ‘cheers for making me feel like shit advice’ and ‘thanks for your judgment, advice’
There is a clear difference between these family members and it’s not just the ridiculous amount of words in their titles. Advice is helpful, made with good intentions and usually asked for or needed. The other two are basically the tools of the devil. Or put even simpler, bullshit!
My latest advice bullshit was ‘I don’t think you should be helping to feed your baby. Don’t cuddle and feed him before bed, put him in bed to drink his own bottle and leave him. It will help his independence!’
Thankfully I am a lot healthier now to say thanks but no thanks (‘what the fuck!’ might not go down so well). Where as before I would have been thinking I was doing something seriously wrong feeding him myself and have missed out on the only bonding time I still have with my son now he’s one and decided cuddles are for morons.
So ironically here I am, giving you advice, on how to divert away bullshit advice or stop it from rotting away your confidence…
1. First and foremost if you don’t want this advice press back on the phone screen and stop reading. My biggest lesson in bullshit advice is realising you don’t have to listen to it especially if it isn’t asked for.
2. No one knows your baby like you. Most advice comes from people’s own experiences of looking after their own children. What worked for them does not mean that you should be doing it too. In fact it’s more likely that it won’t work for your baby. Someone’s miracle cure for reflux is more than likely going to be as good as treating your babies reflux problems with Coca Cola.
3. Let it pass. Like a ship sailing in the night let it go in one ear and swiftly sail out the other.
4. Don’t beat yourself up. Everyone knows that parenthood is hard which is why I think we pass out so much advice, so someone else doesn’t feel the struggle like we did. (Look at me I’m doing it now) It doesn’t for one minute mean they are giving you this advice because you are a bad parent. As humans with sleep deprived brains and a wanton need to know it all, we sometimes can’t help ourselves. (Or sometimes you are unfortunate enough to just come across the parenting equivalent of hitler)
5. Stand up for yourself. This was my biggest downfall, I’d sit and take all the advice that was thrown at me until people thought it was acceptable to treat me like a bin of unwanted advice waste. Simply smile and say ‘ah thanks, but I think we are gonna try it our way.
6. And lastly if that doesn’t work try this:
Feels good doesn’t it?