When you were a kid what did you imagine your marriage to be like?
I was determined that I was going to marry Ronan Keating and he would be ferociously in love with me, constantly attached to my side like a rampant puppy humping my leg (Ronan if you’re reading, I still wouldn’t turn down a leg hump!😉)
Having kids was going to be the icing on the cake. Our love would be amplified through a tiny joyous little bundle of beautifullness (yes that’s a new word) that we had made after our marriage (Ronans’ come back album would of course be based on it).
But as with all great love stories, it was in fact just that, a story.
Apart from the obvious of not being Ronans’ wife, amplified love and leg humping (or any humping) is not what I experienced when I had kids.
- I wasn’t even married when I had my first child (sorry God!)
- Yes I love my husband with all my heart but a tiny 24/7 screaming machine will not amplify love, it will instead test your ability to be remotely nice to your other half without blaming them for their part in creating said screaming machine.
- Our pre-kid’s date night’s (also known as just ‘night’s’ back then) and constant cuddles were replaced with ‘who could scoff down a Mac D’s quicker while small child pretend sleeps for 5 min’s‘ dates, and ‘don’t touch me I need all the sleep I can get’ best will in the world cuddles.
I blame Disney, Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey for my warped vision of perfect relationships after kids (the only red room of pain you experience as a parent is the ball pond at the play centre).
But don’t let my words fool you into thinking love isn’t there between my husband and I after kids. What I have realised is that love changes to something else after children…
- Love is my hubby getting up and making the bottle for me first thing in the morning so I can sleep 5 minutes longer before hell breaks loose.
- Love is tag teaming with the morning ‘I’m hungry’, ‘I’m bored’, ‘I don’t want pants on!’ routine so we can both shower for 5 minutes alone.
- Love is letting me watch the Kardashian’s when the kid’s go to sleep because I need mind numbing TV to help my mind rest after a shit day (I know he secretly loves looking at Kim’s ass too. My love is letting him look 😉)
Lesson learnt: Always look for the smaller things in your relationship after kids, it’s in those you’ll find where your love has been hiding.