The last few weeks have been hard in the run up to Christmas.
Everyone seemed to be on a jingle bell high. Social media was vomiting out pictures of families smiling in the glow of Santas snuggles or crossed eyed after a few too many festive shots at the Christmas party.
Everyone was vibrating like an Ann Summers Rampant Rabbit due to how happy they where.
I was only vibrating due to the shakes my anxiety was giving me.
I love Christmas but its possibly the most anxious time of the year for me, especially since having my children.
I worry about everything.
How will I make Christmas perfect?
How will I afford it all?
How will I keep myself looking happy?
How can I get through all these social events?
How can I?
How can I?
How can I?
I wish my head would shut the f@ck up!
But through the anxiety, and with the help of some happy pills prescribed by the doctor, I learnt some interesting facts this Christmas that put some of my worries at bay…
- Your kids couldn’t give a shit what you buy them as long as its not clothes.
This may only apply to kids at a certain age but for mine who are both under 4 I may as well have wrapped up my sofa as they got more fun out of the paper than anything else.
This year, on a measly statutory maternity wage, I couldn’t afford a huge Christmas, so Santas sack was a little bare. I worried so much about it getting myself wound up that it would be the worst Christmas ever.
And on Christmas day…
As the presents were unwrapped, and the wow’s and ooohs followed at the mere amazement of a pencil case and a hulk baubble head, I realised I had worried for nothing.
Next year I’ll save the stress and buy one present wrapped up in 20 different layers of wrapping paper and string.
2. There isn’t a chance in hell the kids will eat anything but the tub of Celebrations.
Christmas day dinner will be more like a scene out of the Game of Thrones than a perfect family affair depicted in a John Lewis advert.
The toddler will take on the role of King Geoffry, throwing food and screaming ‘I’m not eating the green crap bring me something else!’, while the baby screams and flaps like the pretty blonde queens, who has more men than Katie Price, Dragons. The only way to stuff the turkey down you is to tag team with your husband, and take one child while the other scoffs down the remotely warm food in their plate. Either that or eat turkey sandwiches for a few days.
3. Someone will cry (it will probably be you)
Your expecting the kids to cry. I certainly was. However thinking of Christmas and all the perfection that it is supposed to be, you don’t expect yourself to gurn ugglies like Kim Kardashian.
Especially not at the work xmas party.
Or for 2 weeks after that, because you kept reliving crying at the xmas party.
(Alchol + Christmas nerves x PND = At what point did you think that was going to be a good idea you silly cow!)
4. Its more efficient to dress the kids in bin bags than clothes
The kids xmas outfits have been bought and include enough sparkles to rival ‘The Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’. You’ve planned the perfect family xmas photo that will gain more facebook and twitter likes that Kaitlyn Jenners debut and propel you into perfect mum status.
However before the shutter snaps…
A great big chocolate slabber falls down the threenagers dress from her previous secret gulping of celebrations.
I had great plans for my xmas photo, however the only one I got was this lovely shot of the toddler dressed as the hulk.
At least I’ll be able to look back and remember what ‘true’ Christmas was actually like.
5. It will all go to fast
The lead up to Christmas will be a blur of worry, stress, impulse shopping and fear of checking the bank balance, all to be wasted on 24 hours, which seem like 3, on Christmas day. After the day is over, you will sit back with a glass of vino (or tequila) and wonder why you had worried so much as it actually didn’t go as bad as you thought it would.
You may have just enjoyed it…
A little 🙂